Tina's Word is Considered a Commandment in my Book.

Following my last post, Tina advised for me to be the subject of my own film. Crap.

Okay let's settle some discussions. I love being behind the camera, I like guiding people. That's exactly what I wanted with this project and I really thought hey this could work. Given the situation with COVID-19, it looks like taking this piece of advice is my best shot at succeeding in this project. One main point to consider is, I know how to express the exact emotion I want throughout the film, and after stressing about it enough it is much easier to swallow my pride and just use myself as the actor than try to pull together a whole lot of nothing while quarantined.

Filming will be on Friday with Ashley Keene, a close friend of mine who luckily is my neighbor and filming has been simplified.

I have quite a good relationship with Keene and I think that the chemistry could work on screen to portray what I want to show with this film.

I'll keep you all updated, I guess now I have to stand in a shower and be filmed. Great.

SLAMMM on the BRAKES

I write to you at 3:00 AM as my mind tries to process the very little work that I have for this short film. I'm reaching a completely new level of stress and I'm on the verge of a breakdown.

With that aside let's speak obstacles. Sean is no longer allowed to leave the house, and given that the only footage I have is with Sean it seems like I have hit a crossroads. The footage has been rendered useless and I need to come up with something fast.

I really have no idea what I am going to do this at this point because it just seems quite bleak.

I think my best shot here is filming with my brother, but I do not know how comfortable he is portraying a gay character. I also feel awkward asking him to do something like this for me, but it seems to be my only choice.

Other things to consider, my mom and dad have both asked me to not bring anyone over to the house during these times, both my parents being 60 and with an everlasting list of past medical inconveniences it makes sense for us to take extra precautions. yet again it makes this film even more difficult.

I got this, I know I do, I just need to process.

I'll rendezvous with you all soon.

XOXO Media Nerd.

Second Day of Shooting? NOT !

Yesterday was supposed to be filming day 2! That did not go as plan, Sean's parents didn't let him out of the house and Julie had to run errands. This whole situation has thrown scheduling out the window and I'm trying to pull together whatever I can. As of right now I have 30 seconds of raw footage, with no voice over. I have a script that no one can come over and read. I have shifts at my job that I need to go to, and everyones agenda is just convoluted with multiple different things to do. With Tina's extension on this project I'm not as scared because I know I have a lot of time to do the remainder of the film. However April is almost starting and I'm going to start freaking out. My stress level is 100% at a 10 right now and I'm scared of how this is going to roll over. I'm ready to go. Now I just need to shoot. When will this happen? I do not know.

What I do know is that the scene from within the shower is absolutely fantastic. The slow zoom out and pan on the upper torso of Sean was excellent and the lighting worked out (with some help from Adobe Aftereffects)  I was able to perfect the scene so you see as much of him as I want you to, and leave the rest for you to wander about.

I'm thinking of mixing up new scenes, with the same script and information just in different locations.

Like Always I'll keep you updated.

XOXO Media Nerd.

First Day of Shooting?

So today was my first day of shooting. Did not go as plan, actually quite tragic. The first scene takes place within a shower. So trying to set up my camera within the shower has not been simple to say the very least. I had to change every single actor as my pool has become tight with the conditions that we find ourselves in. I currently have Sean Murphy as my main character, the shot was very fun to do, as he had to be standing in just underwear for it. It was quite the odd sight from an outside perspective. The problem was lighting. My Nikon D780 is quite good with low lighting, but you need some sort of light for the lens to be able to focus correctly. With the water running and an oddly placed phone flashlight I somehow managed to to get the shot that I needed. A quick 30 Second clip that combined with audio would begin the synopsis of the film. I wanted to the audience to get a quick view of the problem this teen is expiricing, and I thought what better way to do it.


After 10 tries I got the ideal shot and things were looking up. I was however supposed to get more shots done today alongside Juliana, but she was not able to make it to the filming location due to the quarantine. As public parks have closed, I had to rearrange the scenes, and change the setting obviously. The scenes where the couple speak about their problems and how one of them is gay was going to take place in Markham Park. Now it'll take place in the lake by my house.

Julie should be able to do some filming tomorrow. I'll keep you all updated.

XOXO Media Nerd.

Tina, We Have a Problem

I had to cover some odd shifts at the take out counter this weekend trying to make ends meet. Thankfully I got to work today with one of my close friends who was going to give me a hand with this project, which led to well, a slight mental breakdown at work. Abel's parents are of an older age and they have asked him to quarantine for their safety. We had planned to start filming some scenes tomorrow since none of us had work. It seemed like I was finally going to get this going and now I'm stuck again, with non-essential businesses closing and life getting complicated I'm loosing my mind over what to do. I want to get this film done but it looks bleaker and bleaker. I really thought that this was going to work out and now I'm a little confused as to what to do. I'll be getting in contact with Tina tomorrow to figure out my next steps. I don't have much else to say at this point. I'll be back.


XOXO Media Nerd

What Now?

I spoke to a close friend of mine today for him to help me out with some original sounds for my film, I'm going to take advantage of the time I'm spending at home to figure all this out. As the COVID-19 virus continues to spread through the world things are changing heavily, I work full time as a server at a local restaurant to pay for my bills. All the servers were laid off today, the dining room has been officially closed. I find myself with more free time to work on this portfolio but at the same a new level of stress I have not had in a while. Time to figure things out and start to really push for the success of this project. I'm staying at home and trying to allow my creative juices to flow, I really need to figure this project out, I really hate the circumstances that we are sustaining right now. I refuse to adapt even more to the situation but I can't find a time where we can all film, both of my actors attend FIU and given that their spring semester has gone online my chances at one day where we can all film have become slim. The important factor is Abel is comfortable with the shower scene and some of the expressions of sexuality, we have been working together on the most appropriate way to describe sexuality in a monologue, both of us being part of the community has been highly beneficial to my work. I think this could be finally going somewhere, with the extension to turn my piece in I have enough time to re-plan a shot list and get a better script. Let's see if we can do this the right way.

XOXO Media Nerd

Actors and Shoot Days

With the situation in the globe today the project started to look bleak. I had a very difficult week before this all started to happen and my mind is just trying to adapt to all the things happening in the now. My main concern with the ideal of social distancing is the concept of certain scenes of my short film. The major coming out scene was supposed to happen at a party, and I no longer feel that this set of shots will be a possibility which brings me in a sense back to the drawing board. I need to create a different storyline to be able to successfully convey my message. The good news in this I found two actors who are willing to work with me through these difficult times and are comfortable enough to do the specific scenes that I want. I have chose to shift the storyline in hopes of being able to actually record if the COVID-19 continues to spread as it is at the moment. The storyline shifted from my original idea to film during a party scene to making the film a little bit more emotional. Shifting to the perspective within a heterosexual relationship where one of the participants is dealing with their troubling sexuality. I want the emotion to come from both sides of the relationship and to be able to develop a since of understanding from both sides of the relationship. This change is the most adequate one that I could find to be able to work through these isolating times. My creativity is really struggling right now and I'm really giving my all to do this the right way. Some friends of mine Juliana and Abel will be helping me complete this project.

XOXO Media Nerd

COVID-19, you can go back to China, Please

So news broke today that school Is cancelled for the time being given the COVID-19 epidemic. I guess I'm taking this blog the personal route once more. With all the major universities going online I personally I don't see Cypress coming back to normality, which makes me feel oddly sad. Being that it's my senior year I feel quite upset that I'm missing such quality time with my classmates, it's really sad to think that this could last well into august. I had so many great things planned for this summer and COVID-19 is making everything seem so bleak. I'm really starting to get concerned for this project, and I had such high expectations for this work. I'm really afraid of what is going to happen, and I fear that the government will implement a lockdown, and what then? I have a million things roaming in my head and these times are just getting harder. I need time to think. I'll be back.

XOXO Media Nerd

Este Soy Yo?

So here is how the film will work. 

Shower scene will introduce the difficulty that the main character, who will remain nameless, is experiencing. I want the shower scene to be quite, but show to some extent the amount of pain in the individuals eyes, I want the suffering to be noticeable and the pain to be extreme. I do not want him to speak because I feel like it defeats the purpose. This scene will also be dark, with minimal light, my Nikon D780 is pretty good with low light settings so I'm hoping it's enough to do this shot in absolute darkness. 

The film will transition to a date between my main character and his girlfriend, in this scene I want to develop a sense of one sided happiness. Having her being really invested in the moment and him noticeably distant. I also want to embed a mirror scene, where we get a contrast of both characters, one really confident in herself and happy with life, while the other struggles with self image and their identity. 

The epicenter of the film has to be their conversation about sexuality. In which both parties reveal a mutual interest in the same sex and understand each other for their sexual orientation. This scene is highly influenced by an experience I personally had with someone very close to me, and it absolutely changed the way I looked at things. 

Due to my change in story line I'm still working on the concepts of it. Will keep you updated. 

XOXO Media Nerd. 

Shifting the Story

So now we are at a crossroads. I feel like my idea needs to shift to engulf a stronger perspective of emotion. The current storyline with the big reveal being towards a friend seems cliche and overused. I need something that really yells "DIFFERENT" I want to inspire my audience in a whole different level, the question is how. With all these news of the virus spreading and starting to become worried I won't be able to execute this the right way. At the same time, Funeral is tomorrow for Diego, let's just say my emotions at this moment are all over the place and I'm trying to understand where I stand. I haven't had much energy to go to school and my moods are not doing to well. Just trying really hard to understand life at this point and I need to do everything in my power to block these feelings from flowing into my work. I seem to change my work as my mood changes, I want to stray away from a dark piece and continue my work in a bright and happy piece. I really am trying to continue to push happiness and not sadness.


XOXO Media Nerd

On a Personal Note

Today I write to you on a very personal level. As you have probably figure out by now this story sticks very close to me because it's highly influenced by my own story as I came out to my friends and family. I want to discuss some emotions that I'm struggling to deal with and maybe putting them on my blog will allow you all to understand some aspects of my creativity. I came out in 2017, when I first started my current job, and I met some great people. People who were there to support each other and love each other, instead of finding yet another job, I found a family, people who understood each other and truly wanted to see each other succeed. There was one specific person who really made an impact on me and helped me to believe in myself. His name was Diego Ortiz. We had what you could call a complicated friendship, he had a certain level of toxic masculinity to him that bothered me, at the same time he showed a high level of care for each and everyone of my problems and conversations. He was truly interested in my success and happiness. When I told him I was gay, he had a difficult time understanding it but in the end he helped me become more comfortable in who I was. Alongside my coming out came many troubles at home, and Diego seemed to be the only one who would notice when I got to work upset, he would drag me outside and make me talk to him. He was truly invested in making my days better and worked with me to make my self esteem higher. He tried so hard to understand the things that I was going through and would remind me constantly of the fact that I was like his little brother, and all he wanted to see was me being successful and happy. I never really realized how much his words meant to me, it's hard to analyze the impact that someone has on your life. On Sunday 03.08 I lost Diego to a car accident. At 21 years old a perfectly kind should was gone. Someone who inspired me to be myself and love myself and not allow anyone to tell me otherwise. This film, and the remainder of the work I do to express sexuality for its beauty will be dedicated to him, for being an ally to the community and putting religious bias aside, for simply being one of the best humans to impact my life.

Excuse my rant, this one was highly personal. For Diego.

XOXO Media Nerd

Script Finalized, Kinda, maybe, sort of. Yeah.

Yeah no, script is not finalized but the shot list is. I know how I am going to shoot it where I am going to shoot it and mainly who will help me. Today has been a very difficult creative day, I will not lie to you guys, I lost someone very close to me this morning and I haven't been able to really think at all today. Not much progress to report on. Next week I'll have a more clear mind and I'm going to have a script up. Sorry to disappoint. I don't have much for you all today.

I'm leaving it at this, I know I've been pretty good with my blogs and telling you all where I find myself in my production process. But today I don't really feel it. Life is difficult and things happen, and lately as odd as it seems this blog has been sort of an outlet for me, to talk about something I'm so passionate about really helps to process my ideas. I'm really sorry to do this. I'll have content soon.

XOXO Media Nerd.

#scriptdepression

I met with Tina today, and develop a full idea for my film. I've been working on a storyboard which I will attach below(if the file would upload, blogger isn't being cooperative with me today). So I know I want the film to start with a scene in the shower, the scene will be poorly lit only so that you can see the outline of the main character, for artistic purposes, I have chosen not to name my character, I want him to remain nameless, not to be a person but a community. I have also made the choice to not use the word "gay" or homosexual. I have always perceived labeling sexuality as such an absurd thing to do, it's a different lifestyle, but I feel it so in-tasteful to name it. Being a part of the community myself I always found it very difficult to label myself, feeling a loss of meaning in my own personal name, and being just identified as "gay". I want it to feel as seamless as possible, just a normal concept of life, nothing out of the ordinary. The audience will get to a direct insight into my characters train of thought, him talking about his feelings and fears in the shower through voice over. The scene will be short and simple and quickly cut to a scene at a party of my character and his friends having a good time. My actor needs to be good enough so that they may portray the emotion that they do not belong in the scene, there will be pointless conversations between the friends, I'm thinking of it being about about school and romance, who's with who and grades and stuff. Those scenes will be paralleled with scenes in a psychiatrist office (still working out the details of who will play the psychiatrist and where I will shoot it) as the scenes cut back and forth the character will find himself at different parts of the party ( thinking of doing a moving shot where he is just walking through a frozen room, in which I will include the second voice over train of though moment). As the audience get's insight into the character through the conversations in therapy, the film will eventually lead up to the culmination of him coming out to his closets friends. Having 5 minutes and showing so many different ideas, I need to be careful to evade a montage of shots, I need to keep my storyline clean and precise and I really feel positive and passionate about this idea. I will keep ya'll updated. I think I got this.

XOXO Media Nerd.

"Did a Full 180"

So. In the process of trying to find my second actor I realized I wanted to completely switch the idea to something new. I'm moving my film to represent something that I more closely relate to.  I want to change it to a completely new coming out story, something that focuses on the feelings of the person and not on the social outcome. I want to focus on the difficulties that an individual goes through when they are dealing with such an issue. Shifting more towards the perspective of mental health rather than the beauty of the LGBTQ community. I would like to use the influence from my own personal experience to filter into this film. I feel like the process for me was really difficult, and one of the things I used to resort to was dark showers. It's where I would go to think and process my feelings. I found myself having many introverted conversations with myself about the issues that was going through and trying to process my feelings and work out my sexuality. I've decided to incorporate that as part of the story, to be able to use a voice over and introduce a personal connection to the audience. I decided to use social interactions to also move the story, focusing on the characters personal relations and engulfing the audience in the personal interactions to move along the concept of difficulty within the subject. Lately I've been in sort of a creative funk, so I want to show some sort of my feelings throughout my film. I feel like the mood that I have been in lately will be shown with the dark theme of my film. I feel that this is the most appropriate theme for me, and my art and films have always been heavily influence by deeper meanings. I'm starting to feel way more comfortable with my idea. I spoke to my guide, and I was able to develop a full story line. Now I need to finish my script.

Let's see what happens.

XOXO Media Nerd

The Final Path

I want to focus on the normality of any relationship. Therefore I have drawn the conclusion that I will portray some sort of conflict and show it from both parties personal thoughts. It allows me to use shots to portray different emotions and use each narrators thoughts to build my story. Some updates from this week, I have one actor down and I need to find my second actor. His name is Tomas, and after telling him the plot of my story he said he'd be more than willing to sign up. The difficulty I have finding actors I feel is quite different to any other project. Being a member of the community I have a lot of friend willing to help me, but I've narrowed my precise subject a lot. Due to the film being in Spanish, I would prefer to have actors that have latino decent, and finding individuals willing to partake in a gay film isn't exactly a walk in the park, to an extent this signifies the importance of my piece, many people are okay with the community and can support it, but there is this certain taboo about being looked upon as part of the community. The last thing I want to do is make anyone feel uncomfortable, but at the same time I would like to explore this taboo within my process, trying to break this shyness of the unknown. Many people play multiple different roles, and many straight actors have played gay characters, but I wonder how many are not willing to do it.

Anyway I'm rambling as per usual. I'm excited, I'm ready. I invested some money into polarizing lenses for my camera to minimize the glare in certain shots, which led to me being inspired to choose some odd places to shoot from. I also have my tripod and I'm waiting on the delivery of a stabilizer. For the first time since I started this project I feel like I'm on a good path and know kind of where I'm going with this film.

Again I side tracked and lost the path of this post, the main technique I have chosen to use is to hop back and forth from one perspective to the other. To create a sort of free flowing conversation of opposing thoughts but embedding some similarities to show the strength of the relationship. I know at the end I want both dialogues to lead to three words. " Por Siempre Tuyo " which would go to show how both of them love each other very much. It's late, I'm drowning in ideas, I'll have a storyboard this week, till then, goodnight !

XOXO, Media Nerd